You Sat Vajayjay I Say Vagina

Vajayjay...
Vagina...
Snatch...
Pussy...
Cunt...
Vulva...
Vulva???

Does it matter what words we use to describe our genitals, our junk, our reproductive organs, our penises, vaginas, our what-have-yous?

Unlike many people I know, I do think it matters what terms we use and I am endlessly fascinated by what words people use to describe their "stuff" down there.

Growing up, I was one of those weird kids whose mom taught them the "proper" words for her body parts (she mentioned them once or twice but was progressive enough to usually call them my "private parts") and I think that has stuck with me over the years. My baby sister taught me the word vajayjay, and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to break something when she said it. I still feel like giggling when I hear someone say it, I just can't seem to take that word seriously.

I'll admit, I usually refer to my vagina, as my vagina, unless I am trying to get a rise out of someone (namely my partner, who knows my desire to use the "correct" word at the correct time). I've even been known to go so far as to correct people when they call it a vagina when they are really talking about is the vulva. This doesn't usually win me any friends.

What's the difference between the vulva and the vagina? I mean, they both sound very medical and scientific, and I guess that is why a lot of people don't like the terms, but the difference, in case you are curious, is that the vagina is the internal part, the part that sometimes is penetrated, the part you usually don't see, the part from which blood sometimes flows. The vulva is covered by the labia, which sometimes has to be moved aside to see the vulva, but it is there and is the part of a woman's "private parts" that you, she, anyone can see when she spreads her legs.

The vulva is generally what people are talking about when they use terms like snatch, pussy, cunt, vajayjay and the endless list of other words which sound less scientific and often make me wonder where in the hell these words came from and why people use them.

What words to you use to describe a woman's "lower anatomy", her genitals, her vagina?
Where did you learn these words and what were you taught to use when you were growing up?
Why do you use the words you use and what words do you like or hate when other people use?

In case you are curious, I don't like the term twat, or vajayjay. I have mixed feelings about the word cunt; I think it is ok, even powerful, when used to talk about the vulva, but I am furious when it is used as an insult to cut someone down. I prefer the word vulva to vagina, even though they describe two different things and I am constantly amazed at all the terms I've never heard before!

What is Sex Education?

At first that question may seem like a no-brainer, but I don't think it really is.

Growing up on the East Coast of the United States, and attending public school in the late '80's and early 90's, I had sex ed classes in some form or other, throughout most of my education. The lessons weren't always good, and they weren't always non-biased or accurate, but they existed and they have made a lasting impression upon my life.

As a young adult, I had always, I guess, naively, assumed that all Americans had sex ed classes. I finally had to accept that this wasn't true when I was traveling through Ireland with a fabulous friend from Texas. It took me weeks of doubting her to finally believe she was serious when she told me that she never had sex ed classes in Texas! For a while I blamed it on her backwater state, but then I began asking random people around me, from all different places, if they ever had sex ed in school and if so what it was like.

This wasn't really a conversation most people wanted to have with me.

Naturally, it made me more curious and even more hell-bent on knowing what kinds of sex education people received and how it impacted their lives.

I don't know when I really began to think about sex ed as lessons learned outside of the classroom. Maybe it was something I was vaguely aware of for a long time, maybe it was a realization that hit me like a bowling ball to the head, I don't know.

What I do know, what I do believe, and the reason behind this blog, is that sex education is a lifelong process. The messages we receive about sex come to us from our family, friends, school, community, media, personal experiences, the grocery store (yes, I'm serious about that one...just look at the magazines on the checkout display!!) and so on.

This may all seem obvious to some people, but even as a "sexpert", that wasn't always obvious to me!

In many ways, I preferred to think about sex education as a series of neat, scientific based lessons children across the country were receiving, which were taught by well-informed, open-minded, well-educated adults who were comfortable with their own sexuality and wanted, without a hidden agenda, to impart useful, accurate information to future generations of sexually active individuals in a non-threatening, educational manner.

I know this concept is about as realistic as unicorns and a world filled with parents who openly discuss the pros and cons of sex with their children around the dinner table, but still, it was a nice dream.

Reality of course, or at least the reality that I have experienced, is that very few schools in America teach sex education in an open, honest and non-biased manner, very few parents have sit down conversations with their children about the good and bad parts of sex and sexuality and very few lovers are comfortable enough with themselves and each other to talk about what feels good and what their fantasies are. Even us "sexperts" struggle with these issues. And I think that is tragic.

Certainly there are endless issues seen as far more important than sex...war, the crappy economy, cutting one's toe nails, but I can't do much to fix those issues, in part, because they don't interest me as much as talking about sex does.

I don't know that I will ever obliterate all the negative messages people receive about sex (I probably won't, but I'm not always ready to admit that!) and I will probably never see a world that is one happy orgy of positive, sex loving people, and most days (heck, some moments) I'm ok with that. What I really want to do is to begin the conversations, even if it is currently in cyberspace, about sex and sexuality. I want to challenge and be challenged by people's views and experiences. I want to know what people have learned about sex, how they learned it and how these messages and experiences impact their lives.

I don't necessarily want to convert people to my way of thinking, nor do I necessarily want to be converted to someone else's way of thinking. I'm trying to reach a place where people who think I'm both insane and sinful, as well as people who think I'm courageous and daring, can share at least some of what we've learned, wished we learned or wish we never learned, about sex education.

So, with that in mind, what are your experiences with sex education?

And I'm Back!

After nearly two months off, I'm back. Since I've only made one post so far, probably not too many people missed me, but I'm hoping that will change.



In the past two-ish months, when I wasn't blogging, I was finishing up my Master's in Public Health and thinking a lot about sex and how I wasn't doing any blogging. Now that I'm both finished with school and gainfully unemployed (something which is very bittersweet) I tell myself that I have loads of time for writing (a passions of mine which might rate higher than sex...at least some days!).



Even though I wasn't blogging about sex, I was writing about it. My final papers for school were all about the sexual rights and health of older adults.



If you haven't fallen over in shock or disgust and are still reading this, I have hope that I may some day have a fan base!

While this blog does not focus on the sexual rights and health of older adults, it is something I will write about and look forward to receiving feedback on. Until then, let's talk about sex education....

GIANT DISCLAIMER!!!

Welcome to my blog.

I hope to be able to provide a place for people to discuss how sex education has shaped their life, their view of the world and the ways in which they have or don't have sex.

Before anyone thinks that I have all the answers, let me assure you, I do not. I am not an expert on sex, or in the field of human sexuality. I do not have a doctorate in anything or any credentials for counselling.

What I do have, is a deep, almost all consuming interest in and passion for, most things related to sex. I hope to bring that interest and passion to this blog.

Sexpert, for me, is an honorary title given by the planning committee of UMDNJ/Robert Wood Johnson Medical School's Human Sexuality Program. This is a yearly program held the first week in January for the purpose of teaching second year medical students how to talk to their future patients about sex....

Can you imagine talking to your doctor...about...sex?

I certainly hope that everyone (who is fortunate enough to have a doctor to talk to) is able to talk openly and honestly about sex, but I am not that naive.

The program at UMDNJ/Robert Wood Johnson is the first in the world and it is incredible. The title I am using is given to the dozens of individuals from around the world who volunteer their time in this program.

I repeat, I am not an expert. I do not believe it is possible to be an expert on sex. I believe that every living being experiences sex slightly differently than the next living being and it would be impossible ever comprehend all of those variations.

I also believe it is possible to have an orgasmically delicious time talking about sex! Here's hoping you'll join me....